Anger is insufficiency in disguise
Your bike got stolen. They said No, when you thought they would say Yes. You missed the train. They just don’t get it, making you raise your voice or write in ALL CAPS!
We all get angry. It’s understandable. The world is full of disappointments, frustrations, and shitty people.
Anger can be “useful.” I find that many people accomplish much thanks to it. They feel the current people, system, or solution needs a big fix. I’ve solved many problems thanks to anger!
But it can consume you, stealing time, energy, and muddling judgment. The trick is to move from “hot anger” to “cool anger.” The former is like a day without caffeine. The latter is a drive to set things right.
“Ender’s anger was cold, and he could use it. Bonzo’s was hot, and so it used him.” — Orson Scott Card, Ender’s Game
A couple of years ago, I realized that most of my anger comes from feeling insufficient. My bike got stolen because I “couldn’t protect it.” They said No because what I sent wasn’t very good. I missed the train because I was late. They don’t get it because I can’t reach them.
That feeling of insufficiency makes me feel trapped. It blocks me. It drives me to “do something dumb” to escape the feeling — roaring out like a lion (mentally or physically) — even if it doesn’t solve the problem at all!
Since I’ve realized that I can quickly diffuse my anger. I can move it from hot to cool and use it instead of being consumed by it.
“You aren’t angry. You feel angry.”
Next time you get angry, think of this post. Don’t you feel small, trapped, and insufficient? Try not to become enraged, but use your anger constructively.
