Trust isn’t a grand gesture — it’s a growing marble collection
Lack of trust is a friction in a relationship and a tax in society. But, as we know, trust is hard [1]. There are bad actors and shitty people out there, but the faster you can figure that out and build trust, the higher speed you can have.
The good thing about trust is that you never have to doubt: if you’re unsure if you trust someone, you don’t. 🎉
“Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it’s broken, but you can still see the crack in that motherfucker’s reflection.”― Lady Gaga/Beyoncé
I love Tobi Lütke’s view on the “trust battery” [2]. Still, I find that trust is sometimes more like a tree — it grows with positive interactions but is cut down by untrustworthy behavior. Trust takes time to build but instantly erodes.
“Trust is a product of vulnerability that grows over time and requires work, attention, and full engagement. Trust isn’t a grand gesture — it’s a growing marble collection.” ― Brené Brown, Daring Greatly
Most people fail to build trust because they don’t want to show their true intentions or their flaws and weaknesses. That is so amazingly dumb because that is exactly how you build trust.
I often ask people what they sacrifice and get suspicious if they answer trivialities or nothing. I have tons of weaknesses, and I tell people them early so they can rely on me on subjects I can be trusted on (and avoided otherwise).
I once hired a salesperson in the US and asked what drove him. He answered with a huge smile: “Hampus, I’m a salesperson; I’m coin-operated!” 😆 He was being very honest and showed he would be loyal as long as we paid him a lot. It may feel despicable for some, but it’s sure easier to work with than those who don’t tell you what drives them.
“Lonely is not being alone. Lonely is being with people you can’t trust or rely on.”― Mouloud Benzadi
You probably have relationships that could be deeper and better but lack that trust. You should start addressing those — open up to them about how you wish you could be closer and have a “higher trust battery.” You can even use frameworks like the “36 questions” [3] to build closeness.
Trust starts with you wanting to trust someone. They might fail, but you have to want to get there first.
[1] I’m not talking about trust in someone’s competence and abilities, but trust as “alignment, transparency, and honesty.”
[2] https://fs.blog/knowledge-project-podcast/tobi-lutke/
[3] https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/style/modern-love-to-fall-in-love-with-anyone-do-this.html + https://www.scientificamerican.com/podcast/episode/love-and-the-brain-part-1-the-36-questions-revisited/
