You are only as happy as your unhappiest love
We’ve all been there: a sad child, a sick parent, or a worried partner. But we underestimate how much it brings us down and makes everything harder.
“A [parent] is only as happy as [their] unhappiest child.”― Nicole Helget, Stillwater
It’s impossible to have a calm home when your partner is changing jobs, dislikes the city you live in, or is worried about the world falling apart in general.
That calm is your foundation. When it’s unstable, you become unstable, comparable to not sleeping, eating unhealthy food, or getting physical exercise. (Some argue it’s easier solo, but having someone to share and love is the best anchor for a sound life.)
Many of us don’t invest (enough) in stabilizing our partner. We want to be supportive, but their happiness becomes their sole responsibility. This might be one of the biggest “productivity hacks” in your life!
We’ve all been there: your partner comes home and says their boss is an asshole, and we jump to solutions. They’re having one conversation while you’re having another!
“Effective communication requires recognizing what kind of conversation is occurring, and then matching each other. On a very basic level, if someone seems emotional, allow yourself to become emotional as well. If someone is intent on decision making, match that focus. If they are preoccupied by social implications, reflect their fixation back to them.” ― Charles Duhigg, Supercommunicators
When someone is emotional, it isn’t “pretty.” We often shun negative feelings and “griping” as if they would infect us. When someone feels sad or hurt, we want them to “man up” and stop whining. We want them to be strong and move on. But if we want to help them, we have to meet them where they are and want to help.
“Healthy positivity means making space for both reality and hope. Toxic positivity denies an emotion and forces us to suppress it. When we use toxic positivity, we are telling ourselves and others that this emotion shouldn’t exist, it’s wrong, and if we try just a little bit harder, we can eliminate it entirely.”― Whitney Goodman, Toxic Positivity
I love the simple but wonderful rule: Ask yourself, do they want to be Heard, Hugged, or Helped? Sit with your partner, be curious about how they feel, and try to connect with them (and not only “solve their problem.”)
How can you help your partner win a calm life?
